I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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