There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
