I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
