im about as happy as oj after his trial
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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