we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
