i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
