never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
