How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
