i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
