God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
