Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
