my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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