I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
