tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
soo... how was my night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
