I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
