I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
