Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
