It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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