you guys were way drunker than both of me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
