hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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