Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize