i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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