So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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