You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize