She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
