he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
