So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
