I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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