Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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