everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
