I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
