I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
