He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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