Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
