Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
