Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's Friday. Sex?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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