I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize