...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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