Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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