Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
