Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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