I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
