my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
