At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
