i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
