I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
