she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
my liver is dry heaving
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
This toilet bowl is my home.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
