As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
