We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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