guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
