Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize