Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
