How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
