I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize