you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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