why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
