your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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