Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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