One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
