I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
