It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize