Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
