Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
