Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
