"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
