Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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