That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
