My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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