So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
