I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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