yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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