her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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